I never did this with Kim….

I am sure you have told your new supply, the one we BOTH know you had connected with and was “seeing” prior to officially leaving me on March 5, 2019, I never did this with Kim or Kim would never let me do this.

I know you know this is a lie you tell her, and a lie you tell yourself.

If I never did something with you, it’s because you choose not to do that with me. If I never went somewhere with you, it’s because you refused to take me there. My life was filled with that, with you never doing anything with me or taking me anywhere. Sure we did the basic things like go to the movies, go to one or two concerts (literally- only two concerts), working out at the crossfit gym or gym, going out for dinner and going places with your parents. But you really didn’t take me ANY WHERE and you DIDN’T do things with me.

I would hear about ALL of your adventures. Adventures you would do with OTHER PEOPLE. People who were on the fire department. People you went on courses with. Peoples you went on deployments with. But for some strange reason I wasn’t “GOOD ENOUGH” to do those things with.

I would hear about you going bar hoping until 4:00am. I would hear about you going to historical sites, I would hear about you going dancing (that one was by accident- i heard that from a girl you were trying to pick up and sleep with.), playing pool, karaoke, to bars, to resorts, trips, hunting, weekend getaways and more.

Your excuses would consist of you telling me:

“We don’t have money for us (what you really meant was YOU) do to those things. I can’t help it if the military pays for me to do these things.” (However, we always seemed to have money for you to do EVERYTHING you wanted to do.)

“I can’t have fun when I’m with you.”

“I can’t be myself when I am with you” (and who the hell would that be. What you really meant to say was…I can’t pick up girls when I am with you. I can’t flirt with girls when I am with you.”)

“I can’t drink when I am with you because you can’t handle drinking” (Really? But you can get drunk with your friends and the girls your with. )

All I ever heard was excuses for………”I don’t like doing things with you.” You EXCLUDED me from your life and now I know why…i was in the devaluation stage. You needed to make sure I knew I was NOT important. You needed me to know, you didn’t care about me. You needed me to know, to you, I didn’t exist to you.

So PLEASE, don’t tell her, “if Kim was here I wouldn’t be able to do this..” or “I would never do this etc etc etc.”

The truth is you excluded me from your life. I would have loved to do everything and anything with you.

Right now, as I write this and think about everything you might be doing with her that you didn’t let me do with you or all the things you did without me, I HATE YOU!

I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I WAS NOT IMPORTANT!!!